Lessons Learned

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We fully realize we are complicit in perpetuating the romantic and idealized version of weddings, but we also know all the hard work that goes into the end result, often with a few hiccups and meltdowns along the way. So, we're continuing with our series of lessons learned after several conversations with other brides:

1. We mentioned delegation is key last time we did a lessons learned post, but this time instead of focusing on the community aspect of asking friends and family to pitch in and help with what they do best (music, decor), we mean actually making lists of easy tasks ahead of time for the day of the wedding. Really making the effort (especially if you don't have a wedding coordinator) to write down minute details - like remembering to light the candles - will ensure friends and family who are pitching in know exactly how to help (they'll appreciate the organization as well!).

2. We hate to say it, but looking back, there may be parts of your wedding that didn't turn out exactly as you planned, and you may have some regrets. People don't always like to talk about them, because the wedding is supposed to be this perfect, ideal day, but we've found brides to be relieved when given the opportunity to talk about what they would change. One issue for several friends we've spoken to was photography. They weren't happy with their pictures, either because they didn't have the budget for their dream photographer or just simply because things didn't go as planned. One thing that helps in that situation is to just pick a few favorites (there are bound to be a couple of pictures you like), focus on those, and take a break for six months or so from the rest of the photographs. This helps, especially since you're on such an emotional high right after the wedding, so a little time will give perspective. And you can always dust off your dress, put it on, and do a couple session down the road!!

3. Really, don't worry about spending money on the wedding stuff that isn't important to you. For example, one of us absolutely loves stationary and so invitations are very important. The other? Not so much, and that's why she didn't have this very unique/inspired invitation. She sent out ones that were pretty ordinary and cheap and was absolutely fine with that. Likewise with favors, if you don't have the budget, they're really not a big deal. It's about choosing what matters to you and focusing your energy on that.

4. On the day of the wedding, have someone you trust there to fight all the little battles for you, so you can enjoy your day. For example, if the videographer and event planner are arguing over lighting (bright for video clarity, or dim for ambiance), this person will be there to step in and make sure everything goes smoothly - a sister can be quite perfect for this :).

5. It seems as though for many South Asian weddings, it's not just about the bride and groom, but almost just as much about the family, and it can be tricky finding a balance between the two. You really need to figure out the things that matter to you, and also the things that you are willing to compromise on, so that your day reflects you, while still allowing family to participate in the cultural phenomenon that is a South Asian wedding.